Sharon Saline, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist, speaker, educator and author with over 30 years specializing in ADHD, anxiety and learning differences and mental health challenges. Her first book, What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew, has been translated into multiple languages.
In a recent webinar, Dr. Saline explains her integrative approach to managing challenges related to neurodiversity in children and teens, offering valuable insights and tools on how to effectively motivate all kinds of students at school and at home.
Read on for a recap of her key points, or watch the full webinar HERE.
Living with 'Consistent Inconsistency'
“I wait till the last minute or not do it at all. I'm talking about the last minute, the period before, not even the night before. I don't do as good a job, and I know that I'm crunched for time, but I can't seem to change it.” — Finn, 15
Sound familiar? The mystery of ADHD—a chronic condition marked by persistent inattention, hyperactivity, and sometimes impulsivity—is motivation, Dr. Saline shared. And motivation is built on hope, self-confidence, and experience.
In her work as a clinical psychologist, she sees kids who struggle with lower self esteem that can culminate in a real hatred for the task at hand, particularly if it's something they see no benefit in. And yet, these same kids have no problem focusing on an activity with strong personal interest.
“[The ADHD brain] is a novelty seeking brain where interest fosters motivation. These are creative, outside the box thinkers, but ADHD rarely travels alone,” Dr. Saline said.
Nearly two-thirds of kids with ADHD have at least one confounding condition. Behavioral problems were the most common (51.5% of all children with current ADHD), followed by anxiety problems (32.7%), depression (16.8%), and autism spectrum disorder (13.7%), Dr. Saline shared.
“Often kids who have a diagnosis of ADHD are able to succeed in some areas of their life. And we want to know why it is that they can do it in that area and not in other areas.”
The 5 Cs of ADHD
Dr. Saline shared her “Five Cs of ADHD,” an approach that fosters solutions to common problems by increasing cooperation between the child or teen and adults in their lives.
Self-Control
“Self control is like the oxygen mask on a plane,” Dr. Saline said. When parents are dysregulated, it's pretty much impossible for kids with ADHD, and very difficult for kids who are neurotypical, to manage themselves.
Compassion
Positive parent-child or teacher-child alliances mean being attuned to where kids are, not where we think they should be because of their age, or what their siblings are doing. “Oftentimes parents or people living with ADHD judge themselves for not being enough. What we want to remember is that we're all doing the best we can with the resources we have.”
Collaboration
Kids want to be included in the decisions that affect them, which means collaboration is key. Work with them, and other important adults in their lives, to find solutions to daily challenges.
Consistency
Consistency means doing what you say you are going to do, most of the time. It's not about perfection, it's about steadiness and nurturing kids’ efforts to do their best. “Predictability and routines are very comforting, and they foster executive functioning skills. Even if [kids] might push back, ultimately they learn that this is helpful to them.”
Celebration
Acknowledge what's working by continuously offering words encouragement, skill-based praise and validation. Instead of a generic “good job!” or “you’re so smart!”, be specific about the task at hand to encourage repeat behavior. “Learning skills counteracts the negativity bias, particularly when [kids] see that the efforts they're making are noticed.”
Behind the Struggle, Kids Want to Do Well
Neurodivergent kids often hear that they’re missing the mark, which lowers motivation. “They come to expect failure and negativity,” Dr. Saline shared. “Instead of asking, ‘What's wrong with this child,’ the first question needs to be: ‘What's happening in their lives? What needs to change in their environment? And then what can change inside of them?’
“Obviously, we don't want kids to fail over and over again, because that does not help with self-esteem,” Dr. Saline said. What if not turning in homework or doing chores is a signal that your teen doesn’t have the emotional resources they need? “That's where we would step in as adults, not to solve the problem, but to negotiate, to discuss what's getting in the way.”
“When I get mad, it's like a huge wave, a tidal wave. I'm doing fine. And then, pow! Suddenly I'm struggling to keep my head above water.” — Rex, 11
Normalizing that we all have strengths and challenges helps children with ADHD “accept the brains they have,” Dr. Saline said, because the lived experience of ADHD is so varied. “Is it a fast brain? Is it a foggy brain? Is it a dreamy brain? Is it an artistic brain? A sports-oriented brain, or a fact brain?”
You can help by:
- Normalizing different types of brains
- Naming their brain as it reflects their lived experience
- Emphasizing building skills rather than naming character flaws
- Point out successes OFTEN
Improving Impulse Control and Avoiding Tantrums
Executive functioning skills come from the brain’s command center. They connect, prioritize and integrate cognitive functions moment by moment. “Everybody has executive functioning strengths and challenges, and the more executive functioning challenges you have, the higher the likelihood there is of a learning disability,” Dr. Saline said.
A fundamental aspect of executive functioning is working memory. How do we improve working memory? “We write things down,” Dr. Saline said. “We refer to the list instead of reminding our kids all the time.”
Ask your kids to repeat directions twice, because the second time sends it into their longer-term memory. “Your teens will roll their eyes at you like ‘this is so stupid’ … but you’re not a reminder machine.”
Emotional reactivity, which directly affects executive functioning, is intense for kids with ADHD, Dr. Saline shared. “Our job as adults is to respond, not to react, because when our temperature goes up, we are throwing kindling onto the fire.”
Instead, step back for as long as it takes your child to re-regulate. The teaching comes later, when the chemical response that causes the sweating, the tense muscles, the raised heart rate, has faded. “You can't really address problem behaviors in the moment.”
Putting the ‘Have To’ Before the ‘Want To’
Motivation is linked to executive functioning skills such as doing things on time and meeting deadlines without being reminded. But that’s just the start—all kids need to learn how to maintain attention, resist distractions and re-focus if they’re interrupted.
“Most kids notice when they return from drifting off. We want to teach them how to cope when they return, and to improve focus by noticing where it is and where it's not,” Dr. Saline shared.
Tasks that are fundamentally uninteresting or unrewarding—doing the dishes or taking out the trash—trigger less dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to interest and reward. People with ADHD already have lower dopamine levels, so these tasks feel even harder.
This is why we have to use external incentives or rewards to encourage kids until the satisfaction of a job well done kicks in when they’re older, Dr. Saline said. “We want to teach our kids to ‘put the have to before the want to’ by identifying incentives that matter.”
You can help by:
- Remembering that things have to be ENGAGING
- Using INCENTIVES that matter to kids, including time with you
- Tie MEANING and VALUE to the task or goal
- Incorporate CHOICE within the OBLIGATION
Turn Procrastination into Productivity
“Most procrastinators rarely spend their time doing nothing,” Dr. Saline said. Instead, they're great at doing other things, like sharpening pencils or picking the right music.
The three types of procrastination:
- Perfectionism: an attempt to limit mistakes and reduce future shame
- Avoidance: expectation of failure based on past experience
- Productive: keeping yourself busy with something else to avoiding a big task
Dr. Saline recommends breaking tasks down into small, achievable pieces to improve concentration. “Kids want to do well, and they want a sense of independence. And so we want to work with that without overwhelming them,” she shared. If you can, make it interesting by incorporating novelty or an element of play.
- Routines foster persistence and motivation
- Work collaboratively
- Tackle something small; keep things simple
- Create a specific plan
- Encourage effort
- Expect frustration and impatience from adults and kids alike
- Reframe defeats as learning opportunities
“How many things can people change? One thing at a time,” Dr. Saline said. As a parent, you can’t do everything at once. Instead, choose one thing to work on with your child and take the time to collaborate.
“We want to build resilience and help kids tolerate discomfort, and know that being disappointed is okay. That's how we learn how to bounce back.
“Students with a growth mindset will understand their strengths. They will know that they have interests and talents which are nurtured by the adults in their lives. I'm talking about you: a parent, a teacher, a coach, a therapist, someone who they feel safe with, and who believes in them.”
If you or someone you love is experiencing feelings of hopelessness or dealing with thoughts about suicide, there are free resources to help. Call or text 988 or text TALK to 741741 to reach free, 24/7 support.
