A little back-to-school stress is normal. New teachers, new classmates, new routines — most kids feel some version of it, and most kids move through it. The harder question for a lot of parents is knowing when ordinary stress has turned into something that needs more attention.
That question sat at the center of Cartwheel's September family webinar, presented in collaboration with Minding Your Mind. Linda Price, M.Ed., CAGS, a licensed educational psychologist and owner of Wellness Empowerment, a private therapy practice in Massachusetts, opened with a framework for understanding the continuum from typical development to common mental health challenges. She was joined by Mallory Gothelf, a youth mental health advocate with Minding Your Mind, who shared her own experience navigating anxiety and emotional distress as a young person, and the support that helped her find her way through it.
Stress is normal. Chronic stress is the thing to watch.
Price started with a basic distinction: stress itself isn't the problem. It's hardwired, it shows up in all of us, and some of it, what she called eustress, is actually useful. A bit of pressure around homework or chores can be motivating. What matters is what happens when stress builds without support. Left unchecked, it can develop into a mental health condition. Price was clear that help is never too early or too late to seek.
She offered a helpful image for how this builds: think of a shaken soda can. A forgotten homework assignment, a friend who seems annoyed, or a rough moment on the bus. Each one shakes the can a little more. By the time a child gets home and a parent asks them to empty the dishwasher, the reaction can seem wildly out of proportion to the request. It often isn't about the dishwasher at all.
Warning Signs Your Child May Need Extra Support
Price offered a few signals worth paying attention to: notable changes in sleep or appetite, pulling away from friends or activities they used to enjoy, more time spent isolating, or a drop in grades that seems tied to something bigger. Any mention of wanting to hurt themselves is always worth a direct, immediate response. Occasional reluctance about school is typical; a pattern that persists for two or more weeks, along with escalating physical symptoms or family conflict, is a sign to loop in a pediatrician, school counselor, or therapist. If anxiety and school avoidance specifically sound familiar, our recap of When School Feels Hard: Understanding Anxiety and Avoidance in Kids goes deeper into that particular pattern.
The behavior is communication, not the whole story
Price described how children's stress responses (fight, flight, freeze, or the less familiar "fawn," where a child people-pleases to avoid conflict) often show up as behavior that looks like defiance, avoidance, or shutting down, when what's underneath is closer to fear, embarrassment, or feeling overwhelmed. A student hiding under a desk instead of writing isn't refusing; they're stuck. A teen arguing at the door after school may be carrying stress from earlier in the day that had nowhere else to go.
Her guidance for parents in the moment: validate first, problem-solve later. "I can see this feels frustrating" does more in the moment than a list of solutions. Once a child is calm, that's the time to get curious together about what made this hard, and what might help next time. As Price said: "Our kids are hurting, but not trying to hurt us."
A Youth Mental Health Advocate's Story of Anxiety, OCD, and Recovery
Mallory shared her own path through anxiety, OCD, disordered eating, and eventually thoughts of suicide that began in childhood and intensified through her teenage years. She hid her struggles well for a long time behind a confident, competitive exterior. What changed things was a friend who noticed something was wrong and refused to let it go, and parents who believed her once she found the words. Mallory credited small, consistent gestures from the adults around her with helping her take the first steps toward getting real help: a nightly card game with her dad, a coach who kept her connected to her team, teachers who offered a quiet place to regroup. She's since built a career sharing her story with students, parents, and educators, and closed with a message she returns to often: it gets better, and reaching out for support is never too early.
Practical Strategies Parents Can Use To Support Their Child’s Mental Health
Both speakers pointed to strategies parents can use right away:
- Co-regulate first. Calm yourself before responding. A slower breath and a quieter voice help a dysregulated child's nervous system settle too.
- Ask before you advise. "Do you want me to just listen, or do you want help finding a solution?" often gets further than jumping straight to fixes. Price says one of her own children taught her this directly: "Mom, I really don't need you to solve this right now. I just want you to listen."
- Try "tell me more." It's open enough to invite a child to keep talking without feeling interrogated.
- Build the skill on calm days. Breathing exercises and grounding techniques work in a crisis only if they've already been practiced when things are quiet.
For a deeper look at co-regulation and coping skills in action, Cartwheel's Connection, Co-Regulation, and Coping Skills webinar walks through practical tools for the moments big feelings take over.
When to seek additional support
When a child's stress persists for more than two weeks, escalates physically, or comes with any signs of self-harm or despair, both speakers encouraged parents not to wait. School counselors, pediatricians, and therapists are all reasonable places to start. As a counselor, no parent has ever come to Price too early with a concern. As she put it: "I've never thought, 'I wish this parent hadn't come forward.' It's never too late. It's never too early."
Price also pointed families to Minding Your Mind's Just Talk About It handouts, a free set of conversation starters and guides designed to help parents and caregivers open up conversations about mental health with their kids.
How to Find Additional Mental Health Support for Your Child
If any of this feels close to home, you don't have to wait until things reach a crisis point to ask for help. Getting support early can make a real difference in helping families understand what's going on and giving kids tools before patterns become more entrenched.
Cartwheel's clinicians work with both students and families to understand what's going on and find support that fits.
Learn more and request support at cartwheel.org/families
We also offer free family webinars throughout the year on topics that matter to parents and caregivers. See what's coming up and register at cartwheel.org/webinarseries
