Helping Kids Handle Big Feelings and Build Confidence

In this webinar, Cartwheel welcomed Alex Hirshberg, Psy.D., for a practical and encouraging conversation about how kids learn to handle big feelings and build confidence over time.

Dr. Hirshberg reminded families that big feelings are a normal part of growing up. Kids do not need adults to make hard feelings go away. They need support, patience, and help learning how to get through them.

What Building Resilience Really Means

Dr. Hirshberg began by explaining what resilience looks like in everyday life.

Resilience is not about staying calm all the time or avoiding hard moments. It means helping kids learn that they can feel upset, nervous, or frustrated and still be okay.

When kids face challenges with support, they start to believe, “I can handle this,” even when things feel hard.

Why Avoiding Hard Feelings Can Make Them Worse

Many kids try to avoid things that feel uncomfortable. This can help in the moment, but it often makes fears grow over time.

Avoidance can look like:

• Refusing to go to school
• Skipping activities that feel stressful
• Meltdowns when routines change

Instead of removing every hard moment, adults can help kids face challenges little by little. This helps big feelings feel less scary.

What Big Feelings Can Look Like in Kids

Big feelings do not always show up as sadness or worry. Sometimes they show up in ways that are easy to miss.

You might notice:

• More frustration or irritability
• Trouble going to school or joining activities
• Headaches or stomachaches
• Negative self-talk or expecting things to go badly

These behaviors are often signs that a child feels overwhelmed, not that they are being difficult.

Helping Kids Build Confidence in Their Thinking

Dr. Hirshberg talked about how kids think about success and failure.

Many kids focus on what went wrong and ignore what went well. Over time, this can lower confidence.

Helpful ways to support kids include:

• Talking about one good thing that happened each day
• Praising effort, not just results
• Helping kids focus on what they can control

Another helpful tool is talking about what kids expect to happen versus what actually happens. This helps reduce worry over time.

Tools Kids Can Use When Emotions Feel Big

Dr. Hirshberg shared simple tools kids can use when feelings feel overwhelming.

One example is taking a short break. A helpful break is planned, brief, and followed by returning to the task. This helps kids calm down without avoiding the situation.

Other helpful tools include:

• Having a plan for tough moments
• Using movement or breathing to reset
• Practicing coping skills before stress builds

These tools help kids feel more in control when big feelings show up.

Supporting Social Challenges in Small Steps

Some kids struggle with social situations. Dr. Hirshberg encouraged adults to avoid forcing kids into situations that feel overwhelming.

Instead, he suggested starting small.

Examples include:

• One lunch group based on shared interests
• One club or activity a child enjoys
• One trusted peer connection

Small steps help kids stay connected while building confidence.

How Adults Can Help at Home and School

Adults play a big role in helping kids handle emotions.

Helpful ways to support kids include:

• Staying calm during emotional moments
• Naming feelings without trying to fix them right away
• Encouraging flexibility instead of perfection
• Showing kids how you handle stress

When adults respond with calm and consistency, kids learn that emotions are manageable.

Key Takeaway for Families

Big feelings are part of growing up, especially during times of change like going back to school. Kids do not need adults to remove hard feelings. They need support and chances to practice handling them.

Confidence grows through small steps, repeated over time.

Support Beyond Today’s Conversation

Sometimes big feelings or stress make daily life harder for kids. Extra support can help.

Cartwheel partners with schools to provide:

• Therapy for students
• Mental health evaluations and diagnosis
• Parent and caregiver guidance

Families can connect to care through their school district. Learn more about available support: cartwheel.org/families 

Keep Learning With Us

Cartwheel offers free, family-friendly webinars throughout the year, designed to give caregivers practical tools they can use right away.

View the full calendar and register: cartwheel.org/webinarseries