Helping Kids Build Healthy Relationships With Food and Their Bodies

We recently sat down with Dana Sedlak, LCSW, CEDS-C — a licensed therapist and Certified Eating Disorder Specialist — to talk about something a lot of families wonder about but don't always know how to approach: how kids develop their beliefs about food and their bodies, and what we as adults can do to help.

Dana started the conversation with something worth holding onto: this is not about blame. Most harm happens without anyone meaning to. The goal isn't to look back with guilt — it's to build a little more awareness and find language that helps kids feel safer in their bodies.

Earlier than you might think

One of the biggest takeaways from Dana was that eating concerns can start younger than most people expect. And they don't always begin dramatically. Sometimes it looks like a new food rule, or suddenly not wanting to eat in front of other people. A fixation on ingredients. Skipping lunch at school.

Because kids spend so much of their day at school — absorbing messages about bodies, food, exercise, and what "healthy" is supposed to look like — those environments matter a lot. Even a single comment from a teacher or coach can stick for years.

What to keep an eye on

You don't need to check every box to feel like something is worth addressing. Sometimes it's just a feeling that something has shifted.

Changes that can be worth a conversation include things like skipping meals, avoiding eating around others, wearing baggy clothing even when it's warm, seeming tired or foggy, pulling away from friends, or becoming rigid about food in ways that feel new. Dana also mentioned signs that are easy to miss — like exercising in a way that feels compelled rather than joyful, or labeling foods as "good" and "bad."

Strong perfectionism, worry about grades, and feeling easily overwhelmed can also be connected. Eating concerns don't always look the way we picture them.

The language we use matters more than we realize

A lot of Dana's guidance came back to the everyday words we use around food and movement — and how much those words shape what kids believe about themselves.

When food gets labeled as "good" or "bad," kids can start to feel like they are good or bad depending on what they eat. A more neutral approach — talking about food as fuel, as something that helps the body grow and do things — creates a lot less room for shame.

The same goes for exercise. When movement becomes about earning food, burning calories, or controlling how a body looks, it stops being something kids can enjoy or feel good about. Dana encouraged framing movement around strength, mood, and fun instead.

For families with athletes, she had a particular note: sports cultures that tie body size to performance put kids at real risk. Language like "fuel helps your body perform" or "let's focus on strength and recovery" goes a lot further than comments about weight or pushing through pain.

Health class is worth a check-in

Dana brought up something a lot of families don't think to ask about — what kids are actually taking in from health class. Some lessons are genuinely helpful. But when health gets moralized, it can lead to anxiety and shame, especially for kids who already put a lot of pressure on themselves.

A few simple questions can open that door:

• What are you learning about food in health class?
• Does it make you feel worried or like you're supposed to follow certain rules?
• What do you think about it?

You don't have to have all the answers. Just listening to how your child processes those messages tells you a lot.

You don't have to wait

One of the most reassuring things Dana said: you don't have to wait until things feel serious to reach out. If something feels off — even a small change — it's okay to ask questions early. That's not overreacting. That's exactly the right instinct.

Families can start with a pediatrician, a therapist who works with eating concerns, or a dietitian focused on relationship with food rather than restriction. Kids who are struggling may also be eligible for school accommodations through a 504 plan, including things like flexible deadlines, snack access during class, or an alternate space to eat if the cafeteria is overwhelming.

If Cartwheel partners with your school district, your family can reach out directly for support. A clinician can listen to what you're noticing, help you figure out whether it fits typical development, and connect you to the right next step — including outside specialists when that's what's needed.

Learn more at cartwheel.org/families

And if you want to keep learning, we offer free family webinars throughout the year. See what's coming up at cartwheel.org/webinarseries.